Ladies and Gentlemen, take your seats for tonight's top billing fight. It's a heavyweight contest for the undisputed title of Best Business Internet Connection, and will be fought over five rounds.

[The action switches ringside to the big fight commentator]

"Good evening, viewers. And what a titanic tussle we have in store for you. The young upstart Broadband. Nicknamed 'Fat Pipe', he's here tonight to lay claim to the title. But he's up against the tried and tested old warhorse, the 56k dial up connection. But, if you ask me, this fight's looking like a serious mismatch - 56k dial up could be staring retirement in the face."

In the Red Corner, we have a fighter well known to many over the years. Let's hear it for 56k dial up!!

And in the Blue Corner, the new kid on the block, the up and coming star...Broadband!!

Okay, guys. Let's have a good clean fight here. No holding, no low punches, no biting, gouging or rabbit punches. You'll break when I say break. And if you're decked, you'll get a count of ten to get back on your feet. May the best business internet connection win. Now, shake on it and coming out fighting when the bell rings...

Ding, ding. Seconds out. Round One - Always On

"Ouch! That's gonna hurt. Broadband catches him right on the button there with the first punch of the fight. No real reply though from 56k dial up, a two-hour cut off is making him look decidely fragile but the price is still attractive though. But, yes, I think for most companies the scoring's going with broadband...56k dial up will be glad to hear that bell go..."

Broadband 1 (on points) - 0 56k dial up

Round Two - Simultaneous Voice Calls

"They're still looking pretty even so far. But...ooowww. Broadband's in there with a jab - voice calls on fixed broadband.

"56k's coming back with an upper cut, but he's telegraphed that one slightly. Yes, he's pointing out you can't do voice over satellite broadband. But he'll have to do more than that to impress the judges. Broadband's definitely got the upper hand now.

"Wait a minute, 56k's putting a combination together here. Oh dear, left himself open there a bit. Broadband steams right back into it. Having the 1571 answering service when you're online didn't do 56k dial up any favours there."

Broadband 2 - 0 56k dial up

Round Three - Real time email

"Oh dear, 56k dial up's taking some punishment out there. That was a lovely right hook by broadband. 56k didn't see that one coming at all. It's not looking too
good - there's definite signs that 56k's running out of steam. Those legs are positively wobbly. His corner's gonna have some work to do at the end of this round. That two hour cut off's definitely an Achilles Heel and broadband will be working it for all he's worth."

Broadband 3 - 0 56k dial up

Round Four - 2 MB bandwidth

"Well...56k's got his work cut out now. He'll need to find something special. He'll need to dig deep to find that elusive KO punch. That's the only way he's going to win now.

"Ooowww. He's down. That was a colossal left there from Broadband. I don't think 56k's going to get up from that. He's looking pretty dazed as the ref counts him. Oh...and his corner's getting ready to throw in the towel!

"Wait a minute. No, he's back on his feet and waving furiously at his corner. He wants to go on. 56k counters with one-way satellite broadband still needing a return path via a conventional dial up.. He gets that one in alright. He could share the points in this round.

"Hold on, the referee's stopped the fight. He's calling in the ringside doctor to examine 56k dial up. This does not look good for 56k dial up. Could this be the end of a glorious career?

"The doctor's examined him and he's talking to the referee. Yes, it's all over - for tonight's fight anyway. The referee's counted out 56k dial up. Broadband's the winner. And deservedly so."

Broadband 3.5 - 0.5 56k dial up

Well, conclusive evidence there that 56k's days may be numbered. Let's look at those fight stats and well see how each performed.