“In the summertime when the weather is high…I’ll be outside with a laptop on Wi-Fi.”
Yeah, right! Despite what glossy magazine and TV adverts portray, do you know anyone who has ever sat outside under a tree tapping away on their laptop?
Me neither. And I’ve tried it to research the following ten step guide to garden computing.
Step 1: Take your laptop outside and confirm you can receive a reasonable signal from a nice sheltered location in the garden where you’ll get some peace and quiet, and privacy. Check, too, signal strength for your cordless landline handset and your mobile phone.
Step 2: Get a sturdy table and chair set up outside, the white plastic garden furniture is okay but the surface can be a bit slippy for hardware.
Step 3: Settle down to a productive work session in the sun only to find that you can’t quite see the laptop screen properly. Try out several angles for the screen and then a dozen positions around the table.
Step 4: Decide what you really need is one of those giant parasol umbrellas that slots into the hole in the middle of the plastic table. Drive to the garden centre and purchase one, it’s a wee treat and you’ve fancied one for ages.
Step 5: Crush your fingers at least once setting up the umbrella. Settle down to a productive work session in the sun. Discover it’s a touch cold in the shade so return to the house for a fleece and, while you are at it, make a cup of tea to take out.
Step 6: Decide that this isn’t a complete success and so fiddle with the brightness and contrast of the screen. Fifteen minutes and a system restore later it dawns that what you actually need is one of those meshy screen filter doo-dahs that clip onto your laptop. Hop into the car and purchase same after visiting three different shops.
Step 7: Fit massive reflection–killing monocle to your laptop. Take parasol down and pack it away in the shed. Settle down to a productive work session in the sun.
Step 8: Pump up the brightness on the screen to counter the effects of the screen filter. After 30 minutes save all open documents and shutdown laptop before the battery cuts out.
Step 9: Rummage around in shed and various household cupboards to locate extension cable. Plug into mains socket near the door and run cable out to your laptop. Discover cable isn’t quite long enough so find an alternative socket and pass cable out a downstairs window instead.
Step 10: Settle down to a productive work session in the sun. Decide it would have been less hassle, a lot cheaper and more productive sitting in your office with the window open.
BT, meanwhile, have evidently had a completely different experience in their garden and offer up some top tips on how to get the best out of working away from the office. In particular, their tips help to ensure company security is not jeopardised while workers catch some rays.
1. Don’t flash your devices around. Find a sensible and safe location to work in.
2. Activate your computer’s firewall before going outdoors.
3. Take care that no one is looking as you type in passcodes/PINs etc.
4. Password-protect any important files. Alternatively, do not take confidential documents out and about with you.
5. Use a secure connection wherever possible - details of this can be found next to the network name. Also, ensure that you disable your device’s ability to automatically connect to a network, or it could connect you to an unsecured one.
6. Disable “file and printer sharing”, as this leaves your computer more vulnerable to hackers.
7. Keep your operating system and your anti-virus software up to date.
8. Try to use webmail services wherever possible, rather than use Outlook or Apple Mail directly. This allows you to take advantage of the added security these sites provide.
9. Finally, it’s important for both you and your device to stay cool – don’t stay in the sun too long, or your laptop could overheat and you may lose important work!
